INTERVIEW WITH AN
X-ABUSER

When was the last time you heard an abuser explain his actions?

For the most part it seems that those who perpetrate Domestic Violence, whether physically or emotionally, choose not to complete the change journey. They may enter into counselling, but often because they are trying to avoid their partner leaving them, not because they really want to change. It appears that the underlying attitudes that drive the controlling and abusive behaviours are so entrenched that most perpetrators can’t see them, won’t see them, or just plain refuse to acknowledge the damage they are causing to the partner and children. 

And then, when it becomes apparent that change involves more than just warming up a seat in a counsellor’s office or in a Behaviour Change Program, most quit. 

But what about the rare few who actually persist? 

We do not often hear from the “X” Abuser. Largely because they are a rare breed. 

But I think we need to. I think we need to in the interests giving perpetrators an idea of what true change looks like. And I think we need to in the interests of giving victims the same idea. 

Steve (not his real name) is the man being interviewed in the following pages. He does an excellent job of explaining his process. What is printed in this book is word-for-word what was spoken in the interview. Steve speaks candidly and honestly about the destruction he caused in his family, the origins of his abusive behaviour and the road back from domination & abuse to compassion and emotional freedom, both for himself and more importantly, for his wife.